Self-Help Book Reviews:Top 5 Things I Learned From The Queen’s Code

Queen's Code by Alison Armstrong

Self-Help Book Reviews by Siri Mera Kaur, writer, yogi, healer, shift-stirrer.  Episode 1.1.

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I first read The Queen’s Code 3 years ago.  I have since read the book so many times I can’t count.   It is a fictional story but it’s also similar to a Bible for masculine/feminine communication dynamics and problem solving.  Hence, it’s useful to go back to the book to form a deeper understanding of many key concepts you might encounter in your real life.

This book is full of super-actionable techniques.  I’ve used this while I was single and not dating, while dating, while in a serious relationship and even with my children, co-workers and family members, male and female.  Most importantly it explains an amazingly accessible perspective on the feminine self.

Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from reading, re-reading, studying and workshopping with this book, it’s techniques and it’s author:


  1.  Almost no one is as a good as a listener as they think they are.  Particularly me.  I’ve been told many times over that I am a great listener.  I’ve had people tell me many things they wouldn’t normally tell people.  I can be a good listener sometimes, but before I read this book, I was ignorant to how to listen.  Yep, with all my training on listening to people.  The techniques were great, but they weren’t ingrained.  It was something I had to “put on”, until I read this book and learned, to listen without judgement (in my personal life this wasn’t so easy) and to give the masculine at least 10 extra seconds to talk before responding.  A lot has been revealed in the time I haven’t interrupted to share my view!
  2. Modern Western Society perpetuates gender wars.  For the typical female, this means we look at men as stupid, hairy women and expect them to do things that a woman would do which of course, they can’t, which makes them then look like they are misbehaving.  And um, when you’re being perceived in that way, it doesn’t make you feel very open, accepted or respected.  So why do we then expect men to act in these ways when we think of them in this way?  Conditioning much?  Yep!
  3. Women wear themselves out with our overuse of masculinity.  In the aforementioned society I know it is very difficult.  We have a long way to go in terms of social norms and expectations, but if we can play the game, but keep our personal standards in mind, we would fare much better.  Instead we pride ourselves on being independent, making money and being able to bust balls.  Not all of us, of course, but it’s a very prevalent viewpoint.  This makes us addicted to stress and cortisol and dries out our femininity and its respective hormones.
  4. There are really great ways to get someone to listen to you.  Particularly someone masculine.  A great way is to find out if they are in a great place to be able to fully listen to you.  You can also find out about how long they can focus on listening before they tune out.  Basically, communicating with people about how they like to communicate makes communication more communicated!  That was a fun sentence!
  5. The masculine and feminine brain are profoundly different!  I don’t mean the word “profound” lightly.  In my studies in Kundalini Yoga and Tantra I learned these things already.  But there was something about this book that made it very concrete, convincing and undeniable.  I have considered myself to be a tomboy and very masculine.  That was mostly because I thought of “girly” as feminine and valued logic over everything, including emotion.  This book goes in on what masculinity and femininity is and why.  It also explains how and why we unconsciously go into feminine and masculine and why to shift for specific purposes.


Reading this book once is not enough, but not reading it is silly.  It is a paradigm shifter and I am shift stirrer, so I recommend reading it and diving in deeper to make sure you adopt the concepts into your consciousness and habits.

Reading this book and diving into the concepts enabled me to feel confident, secure and excited about dating, making up with old friends and family members and embracing sides of myself I didn’t feel justified doing so before.  It also gave me the initiative to reestablish my study and commitment to Kundalini Yoga and Tantra Yoga, as well as intuition development, writing, dance and literacy.  Basically my major loves in life.  Oh yeah, my relationship is also a direct result of my reading the Queen’s Code.  More on that another time.

For now you can join my book study and writing group here!







Describing Kundalini Yoga, Pt. 1


Meditation (Photo credit: Gurumustuk Singh)


There’s a reason Kundalini yogis don’t usually go the easy route and just say “I practice or teach yoga”. I mean, I’m sure some of us do from time to time, especially when tired, but when we’re on we know we absolutely have to tell the whole truth and that is that we practice Kundalini Yoga.


Modern ideas of yoga can be very limited when Kundalini yoga is so diverse and different from what many yoga practitioners experience in their gyms, community centers and Yoga centers. From what I’ve seen Kundalini yoga is usually practiced in more spiritually minded centers and in studios owned by Kundalini yogis themselves.


Of course it is also practiced in schools, prisons, hospitals, in homes and parks. You can even occasionally find Kundalini yoga in a gym or yoga studio that offers different types of yoga. But I really want to explain what sets Kundalini Yoga apart.


My daughter was an accomplished yoga teacher before she was 2 years old. She led a room full of adult yogis on a regular basis…she knows her Kundalini. So today when she was showing some impromptu yoga to my teenaged cousin my cousin doubted that what she was doing was actually yoga. “I thought yoga was quiet”. My cousin said. “Not our kinda yoga.” I responded. But I don’t know if she understood that I wasn’t talking about my daughters personal brand of spontaneous yoga or a strong lineage of the Kundalini Yoga community.


Another time she saw my daughter doing self-professed yoga and responded “that’s not yoga, it’s just running around.”  I explained to her that sometimes in Kundalini Yoga we run around in circles.  Later she saw my youngest daughter doing breath of fire and questioned, “what are you doing?  Oh, you’re doing yoga?”  She’s starting to get it.  I taught my cousin a KYoga class once, but it was just a beginner’s Spinal Kriya.


So what exactly is Kundalini Yoga and what sets it apart from other types of yoga?  Well Kundalini Yoga is not the only type of yoga that is mind, body dynamic, but in my experience it is the only one that works as fast as it does.  Kundalini Yoga is breath-centric.  We don’t just breathe deeply…we breathe in completely, extending the breath and do the same with exhales.  We focus our breath on our mudras, or internally, we use only nostril breathing, alternate nostril breathing, and different techniques of using the tongue to manipulate our breath.  Most well-known is breath of fire.  A type of pranayama that has been insultingly described as hyperventilating, but actually expands the breath capacity and is focused in the belly, rather than the chest, it feels freeing rather than restricting.


There are so many aspects to Kundalini Yoga that I cannot write in just one blog post.  But most important to the practice is breath of fire.  You could practice breath of fire in bed, in the car, while walking, while dancing, in the shower, or you could sit down, with legs crossed for 11 minutes everyday to practice it and you will get joyful results.   If you start with the breath it will take you places and that is where I will end this first introduction to Kundalini Yoga.   I will return with the other aspects shortly.

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Summer Time Kundalini Yoga Events

There are some great Kundalini events coming up… first off there’s the bi-annual Sat Nam Fest (one on the East Coast of the U.S. and one on the West) coming up this month. From April 12-15 in Joshua Tree, CA the festival will include several huge teachers and musicians, including the world renowned teacher Gurmukh with world renowned musician Snatam Kaur.

The classes will include live music by the musicians. There will also be kirtan with Ramdass and others. The best thing about Sat Nam Fest is the 4am Sadhana! Joshua Tree is a magical place and a perfect place for Sadhana. If you are free during this time you should absolutely make it to Sat Nam fest rather you’ve participated in Kundalini Yoga before or you’re just curious. It is a great way to jump into the KY community experiencing the best of the best in teachers, musicians and community…

 Espanola, NM The 21 Stages of Meditation 6/6-12 2012

 Toronto, ON, Canada is Beyond Addiction: The Yogic Path to Recovery  April 20- July 15th

Great British Kundalini Yoga Festival 2012.  On June 6

Then the huge annual Summer Solstice and it’s offspring Women’s Camp and Youth Camp.  These events take place in Santa Fe, New Mexico from June 14-23 for the Solstice event and the two camps take place from 6/24-7/6.

 Montreal Kirtan Festival, this is the first annual for this festival in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. 7/14

 Campamento De Mujeres De Mexico- Women’s Camp in Mexico, visit 7/12

There’s also the very special Sat Nam Fest, in September.  It is awhile from now, but it’s worth planning in advance and their early bird registration end on the 20th of this month!  So if your summer is already busy, look into the Sat Nam Fest in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania and use my special code to get a discount of $25 on your registration for 3 or 4 day passes:  SFEMERA

September 13-16 Waynesboro, PA

Early registration ends May 20th, so with this discount code you will get the best price if you sign-up now! 

~~Sat Nam

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