Self-Help Book Reviews by Siri Mera Kaur, writer, yogi, healer, shift-stirrer. Episode 1.1.
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I first read The Queen’s Code 3 years ago. I have since read the book so many times I can’t count. It is a fictional story but it’s also similar to a Bible for masculine/feminine communication dynamics and problem solving. Hence, it’s useful to go back to the book to form a deeper understanding of many key concepts you might encounter in your real life.
This book is full of super-actionable techniques. I’ve used this while I was single and not dating, while dating, while in a serious relationship and even with my children, co-workers and family members, male and female. Most importantly it explains an amazingly accessible perspective on the feminine self.
Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from reading, re-reading, studying and workshopping with this book, it’s techniques and it’s author:
- Almost no one is as a good as a listener as they think they are. Particularly me. I’ve been told many times over that I am a great listener. I’ve had people tell me many things they wouldn’t normally tell people. I can be a good listener sometimes, but before I read this book, I was ignorant to how to listen. Yep, with all my training on listening to people. The techniques were great, but they weren’t ingrained. It was something I had to “put on”, until I read this book and learned, to listen without judgement (in my personal life this wasn’t so easy) and to give the masculine at least 10 extra seconds to talk before responding. A lot has been revealed in the time I haven’t interrupted to share my view!
- Modern Western Society perpetuates gender wars. For the typical female, this means we look at men as stupid, hairy women and expect them to do things that a woman would do which of course, they can’t, which makes them then look like they are misbehaving. And um, when you’re being perceived in that way, it doesn’t make you feel very open, accepted or respected. So why do we then expect men to act in these ways when we think of them in this way? Conditioning much? Yep!
- Women wear themselves out with our overuse of masculinity. In the aforementioned society I know it is very difficult. We have a long way to go in terms of social norms and expectations, but if we can play the game, but keep our personal standards in mind, we would fare much better. Instead we pride ourselves on being independent, making money and being able to bust balls. Not all of us, of course, but it’s a very prevalent viewpoint. This makes us addicted to stress and cortisol and dries out our femininity and its respective hormones.
- There are really great ways to get someone to listen to you. Particularly someone masculine. A great way is to find out if they are in a great place to be able to fully listen to you. You can also find out about how long they can focus on listening before they tune out. Basically, communicating with people about how they like to communicate makes communication more communicated! That was a fun sentence!
- The masculine and feminine brain are profoundly different! I don’t mean the word “profound” lightly. In my studies in Kundalini Yoga and Tantra I learned these things already. But there was something about this book that made it very concrete, convincing and undeniable. I have considered myself to be a tomboy and very masculine. That was mostly because I thought of “girly” as feminine and valued logic over everything, including emotion. This book goes in on what masculinity and femininity is and why. It also explains how and why we unconsciously go into feminine and masculine and why to shift for specific purposes.
Reading this book once is not enough, but not reading it is silly. It is a paradigm shifter and I am shift stirrer, so I recommend reading it and diving in deeper to make sure you adopt the concepts into your consciousness and habits.
Reading this book and diving into the concepts enabled me to feel confident, secure and excited about dating, making up with old friends and family members and embracing sides of myself I didn’t feel justified doing so before. It also gave me the initiative to reestablish my study and commitment to Kundalini Yoga and Tantra Yoga, as well as intuition development, writing, dance and literacy. Basically my major loves in life. Oh yeah, my relationship is also a direct result of my reading the Queen’s Code. More on that another time.
For now you can join my book study and writing group here!