Articles for the Month of October 2017

Aside

I was just watching a show on MTV called Are You The One.  The contestants live in a house and try to find their “perfect match”.  The contestants’ tendency to suck at relationships is the show’s premise.  Some of the cast members go on dates. The remaining cast members drink and do wild things.  The cast-off cast members were sumo wrestling each other on this episode. The winner had to lick something off another member’s body.

A girl who was involved with another guy who wasn’t playing the game allowed a different guy to lick peanut butter off her nipple.  The guy came into the house just in time to see this and had quite an outburst.  I think I was as shocked as the guy that a girl would let someone do that to her.  The girl said she was a fun girl, as if it wasn’t a big deal.

Are we as a culture at the point in society where being that sexual with someone you’re not involved with is considered normal?

The guy’s reaction seemed realistic and justified.

Watching this reminded me about my vow to give up the right to emasculate men and how ignorant society is of these habits.  I actually think both men were emasculated.  I believe the girl was being objectified by herself and her peer group.

Does Western Society Suck At Relationships?

Maybe it’s not just you or the people on this game show.  I’m starting to see more and more evidence that this is something of a cultural epidemic.

Reality TV helped me a lot a few years ago when I realized my mistaken ideas and actions surrounding relationships.  I started watching shows I’d previously shunned.  By exposing myself to ideas, situations and communication I wasn’t used to, I really prepared myself for dating and learned more about what I wanted and what I might encounter with others.

The divorce rate is not a negative thing in my opinion.  I think it’s great that people would rather divorce than stay complacent in a negative or damaging relationship.  However I see a lot of unhealthy relationships, standards, boundaries, communication and abuse that concerns me. This is largely because people stay in these situations and repeat these cycles over a long period of time.

I wouldn’t suggest basing your life off TV, movies or media.  However a shift in perspective exposes this useful way to expand your mind. This can reveal lessons you wouldn’t otherwise feel comfortable allowing in your current lifestyle.  I’m going to start trying to live tweet each night this show as well as 90 Day Fiance’ and Married At First Sight come on.  If you suck at relationships and would like to see how to use these shows to learn how to improve your relationships join me!

 

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Love Yourself Instead. (How To Stop Judging Yourself (and others)!)

In this post I’ll illuminate some great ways to learn how to love yourself and practice sustainable self-care.  I’m also going to suggest a few fun ways to entertain yourself in an empowering, loving way.  These options might include affiliate links that will give me a kickback of income if you purchase from my link.  Enjoy!

I was looking in the mirror.  I’m on my 3rd breastfed baby,  I’m 30-something years old.  I’ve heard it all, as you probably have as well.

I’ve heard all the jokes about sagging breasts. (and yes they do)

All the jokes about destroyed vaginas. (which is not a thing)

All the tips about how to look perfect, never age and always have some new reason to judge the physical appearance of myself and others. (ugh to thigh gaps, right?!)

For the most part, I unsubscribed to the magazine covers and headlines over a decade ago.

But I’m very human and I live in conventional, everyday American society, I’m not immune and I’m not wearing blinders.

Love Yourself & Be Confident In Who You Are:

  • I actively consume alternative viewpoints.  (different cultures define different standards of beauty and frankly it’s in the eye of the beholder)
  • Critical thinking.  I began to dissect all my views about what is “good, bad, okay”, etc. I continue to look for the “why” when I come across beliefs I have that were not consciously created in my core.
  • Taking the time to nourish the deep parts of me, first.  (journaling, meditation, eating well, getting fresh air/exercise and other ecstatic living practices)
  • Appreciation/gratitude/prioritizing.  (I’ve yet to be shunned and ridiculed and there are people who have experienced those things who are an inspiration and make their critics look pathetic)
  • Take the time to nourish the fun parts of me.  (I don’t have to shun make-up or fashion to be unaffected by it, I can just put it in it’s place!)
  • Knowing where to turn.  Getting help.  Knowing what I can trust people for, what my contributions are to others and building my community and communication standards.

So it comes down to perspective and practices.

Love is a verb and judging is the opposite verb.  Actively loving yourself is actively taking care of yourself, your energy, your space and the influences you let into your life.   Now judging is a thing we do naturally to help understand things that we find difficult to understand.  However, we can actively choose to place value on things that matter more, thereby leaving less space to judge things that don’t matter (look how someone else looks, loves, lives, etc).

The great thing about filtering your focus back to you and the things you really care about is that is builds character, confidence and community.  When you fully represent yourself, you will attract more people who support, embody and embrace the same/corresponding values.  That will boost your confidence as well.  All of a sudden you have a lot less to stress about and feel a lot better about your own body image, abilities, appearance, goals/dreams, abilities and more.

I highly recommend it.

P.S.  I found my way back into fashion because of  Modcloth.  They have unique styles, in a wide range of sizes and I don’t have to go into a store to shop (which I’m not fond of).  I also like receiving mail.  They’re having a friends and family sale right now and I recommend drifting away from trends and looking at their vintage, classic and quirky styles, it can truly boost your confidence, if you take care of the other things as well!  Also: get 40% off every Friday! Just use code FABFRIDAY at checkout.